Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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