I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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