Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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