i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
