I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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