just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
