Umm I'm too high to move.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
