You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
