addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
