Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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