i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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