what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
