At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
