im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
