I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
