I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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