Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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