Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
