You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
