i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
