Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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