I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
