yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
