biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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