If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What drink are we having for lunch?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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