my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
