PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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