420 ftw
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize