We got so high we made milksteak
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
