margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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