totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
