I'm so fucking centered right now
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
