i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
This house was built for laser tag.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
