I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize