I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
