I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
is it fun? or sober?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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