Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
What a dumb baby whore.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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