im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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