i need an iv and a liver transplant
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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