why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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