I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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