i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
