it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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