what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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