The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize