11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
