i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I will be naked everywhere
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
