I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
