Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
