if i can run in heels then i can drive
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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