My brain says no but my pants say off.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
