really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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