does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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