My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
