I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
