I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
