VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
