im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
