I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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