I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
