That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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